Objectified

Have you ever been cat called? I have. 

I know I should be offended by it. I know I should be outraged and disgusted. But to be honest, there is always a little part of me deep down inside that is flattered. Why? Because it makes me feel pretty. And valuable. 

OK. Valuable? Really? I'm getting my self-esteem and worth from some random guy whistling at me cause he thinks I have a nice face and whose motives behind his attention are probably less than honorable? That makes sense. 

And yet, it still affects me so profoundly. 

I know that I'm not only good for eye candy. After all, I am an image bearer of God, I am valuable, God has a holy and beautiful purpose for my life. But sadly to say, a lot of the time I don't get my value from God. Sometimes I get it from a guy who takes two seconds out of his day to whistle at me or say something provocative. 

Why?

I believe it is because our culture sexually objectifies women. 
What is sexual objectification? It is the "process of representing a person like a sex object, one that serves another's sexual pleasure" (Caroline Heldman). And as women, our world sexually objectifies us all the time. 

Take a few minutes to check out this video, featuring Caroline Heldman, who is a political science professor in Los Angeles: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMS4VJKekW8


I love this woman. I want to meet her. Actually, I want to be her.

In case you didn't actually watch the video,  here are some of my favorite points she makes:

1. Sexual objectification is about subjects and objects. Objects are always acted upon by subjects. So if you are the perfect "sex object," then you are always being acted upon, which means you have no real power. And often, men are being sold the idea that they are the subject, so they are the powerful one doing the acting. And women are sold the idea that they are sexual objects who need to obtain a certain image in order to be valuable. 
(I want to interject here and say that this argument is not saying that men are evil. I love men. However, it is saying that this idea is what society is telling our men they should be like and how they should view women)


2.  As mentioned above, women are led to believe that we need to be the perfect sex object. This is called self-objectification. Heldman brings up the concept of "habitual body monitoring." Ladies, you know what this is. We are constantly checking ourselves. Do we look good? Who sees me and is watching me? What does my hair look like? Are my clothes falling on my body correctly? Am I sucking in my stomach enough? Heldman says that, on average, women monitor the way they look every thirty seconds (that adds up to a massive chunk of our day!). 

3. When women view themselves as sexual objects, it creates conflict between other women. Heldman describes this as walking into a party full of other women and immediately ranking oneself on the "pretty girl pecking order." Isn't this true? We automatically rank ourselves against other women because we see "male attention as the holy grail of our existence...we compete with other women for self esteem....when another woman is viewed as a [better] sex object, it actually makes us feel bad about ourselves." 

I do this all the time. I am guilty of all these things. 
I don't find my value, worth, and beauty in the arms of my Savior. And it is so, so damaging. I focus my attention on all the attention I am not getting. I compare myself to other women. I tell myself I am not good enough, not pretty enough, and all together just not worth it. 

But, my beautiful friends, you are worth it. And I don't know how to convince you of that. I can recite to you Biblical truths and words of wisdom, but that is so hard to believe and take to heart when we are being bombarded on all sides by sexually objectifying images and messages. 
What you believe your value is can only be determined through a personal journey. I am not there yet. I don't know if I will ever be totally there. 
But, as always, all of my pain, insecurities, and lies I believe about myself are being redeemed. I am confident that God will use all this to teach me something. I just don't know what yet.

I want to leave you with an open ended quote. Take from it what you will. 

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

Who were you before your beautiful mind was filled with photo-shopped images of perfect sex objects that you are supposed to look like? Who were you before all your attention was fixated on what you looked like and which boys were staring at you? 

Would you like to be that free again? I would. But I'm not really sure how. 

For now, it means falling at His feet and spilling out all my insecurities and pain. It means intentionally recognizing sexually objectified images and recognizing them as false and wrong. It means loving other women and fighting this battle with them instead of comparing yourself to them.

I hope these words have been encouraging. I hope, if nothing else, they create an awareness and thereby a sense of hope for you. 

Remember who you were. Remember who God says you are. 

Until next time, my beautiful friends.